UNDERSTANDING MEN AND WOMEN:-)

To all women: On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

*The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

*Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

*When watching TV, hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

*When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

*If you need me with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

*If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

*If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

*I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

*Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

*Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

*If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

*I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

*Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.

__________________________________________

The Female Stages of Life

Favorite drink:
Age 17: Wine Coolers
Age 25: White wine
Age 35: Red wine
Age 48: Dom Perignon
Age 66: Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Excuses for refusing dates:
Age 17: Need to wash my hair
Age 25: Need to wash and condition my hair
Age 35: Need to color my hair
Age 48: Need to have Francois color my hair
Age 66: Need to have Francois color my wig

Favorite sport:
Age 17: Shopping
Age 25: Shopping
Age 35: Shopping
Age 48: Shopping
Age 66: Shopping

Definition of successful date:
Age 17: "Burger King"
Age 25: "Free meal"
Age 35: "A diamond"
Age 48: "A bigger diamond"
Age 66: "Home Alone"

Favorite fantasy:
Age 17: tall, dark and handsome
Age 25: tall, dark and handsome with money
Age 35: tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
Age 48: a man with hair (preferably not on back)
Age 66: a man

Pet:
Age 17: Muffy the cat
Age 25: Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
Age 35: Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
Age 48: Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
Age 66: Retired husband dabbles is taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

Ideal age for marriage:
Age 17: 17
Age 25: 25
Age 35: 35
Age 48: 48
Age 66: 66

Ideal date:
Age 17: He offers to pay
Age 25: He pays
Age 35: He cooks breakfast the next morning
Age 48: He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
Age 66: He can chew breakfast

Keep smiling and have a lovely evening!