I hope this will jump start your morning! Shhh! Don't laugh too loudly later ok? Have a great week! Do swing by later for the next post. Thanks!
__________________________________________
To all Employees
Effective 1st September 2010
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If wee see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for the dead friends, relatives and co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employee attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use *Smiles*
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management.
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