The San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge

SELF-ANCHORED SUSPENSION SPAN

 

If one single element bestows the status of world-class on the new Bay Bridge, it is the Self-Anchored Suspension (SAS) Span. This engineering marvel will be the world's largest SAS bridge (2,047 feet). 

The SAS is not just another suspension bridge. Traditional main cable suspension bridges have twin cables with smaller suspender cables connected to them. These cables hold up the roadbed and are anchored to separate structures in the ground. While there will appear to be two main cables on the SAS, there is actually only one. This single cable is anchored within the eastern end of the roadway. The cable is carried over a single tower and wraps around the two side-by-side decks at the western end. 

The SAS, and the rest of the new East Span, is being built to the north of the existing bridge. By switching from the existing East Span's double-decks to side-by-side roadways, drivers will enjoy unencumbered and expansive views of the Bay Area as they pass beneath an angled canopy of suspension cables. The SAS, and Skyway, will feature a 15-foot-wide cantilevered bicycle and pedestrian path on the eastbound side of the bridge, so those traveling on foot or two wheels between Oakland and Yerba Buena Island (YBI) can enjoy those majestic views of the Bay as well. 

The new SAS bridge echoes the existing towers of the West Span, as well as the towers on the Golden Gate Bridge. All vertical elements of the SAS – the tower, piers and lights – have been designed to emphasize its clean modern lines. Adding to its distinctiveness is the asymmetrical design. The bridge will have a longer forward span (east of the tower), which will provide a more gradual transition from the gently sloping Skyway, and will give the new East Span a unique silhouette. While the new East Span will have side-by-side decks, those decks will transition to a double-deck structure at YBI, to carry traffic through the YBI tunnel and onto the West Span. 

The design features state-of-the-art seismic safety elements and will provide the East Span with a modern, streamlined appearance. Rising 525 feet above mean sea level and embedded in rock, the single-tower span is designed to withstand a massive earthquake. The single steel tower will be made up of four separate legs connected by shear link beams, which function in the same way as a fuse in an electrical circuit. These beams will absorb most of the impact from an earthquake, preventing damage to the tower legs. In addition, if one of the legs is damaged, the other legs will keep the bridge standing.

Using BIM to Improve Processes

The construction technology for the BIM (building information modeling) process continues to get better and better as time progresses, and construction companies continue to find new ways to improve the process. While some construction firms use 3D models to provide a good visual representation for the owner, others in the industry are looking even further to 4D scheduling and 5D estimating.

While contractors continue to push the BIM envelope, technology providers play an enabling role in helping improve the process—namely by creating new modules and features to help improve the technology for the industry. While BIM is already a powerful tool in the construction industry, upgrades are hitting the market all the time.

One recent example is the new version of the Vico Office Suite from construction software and services provider, Vico Software, www.vicosoftware.com, Boulder, Colo.

Vico Office enables users to launch a BIM authoring application that can then be used to perform a variety of functions including on-site production control, quantity takeoffs, model-based estimating and scheduling, as well as a constructability analysis.

The new version of Vico Office contains a number of enhancements such as interoperability with a wider range of BIM-authoring systems, which enables users to import CAD-Duct and IFC file formats.

The software can be used to convert any system used for cost estimating into a BIM-based system. Additionally, users have complete visibility into any changes made to a project in regards to system cost, quantities, and unit prices, and they can even analyze the differences in names of takeoff items used at different points in a project or separate projects.

Vico Office also comes with a Constructability Manager that allows users to perform clash detection, compare different models, as well as identify issues regarding the constructability of a project.

While BIM is a great tool for managing information about a building as it is being built, the technology also serves as an effective way to help contractors speed up processes. From 3D modeling to 5D estimating, there are a number of new capabilities contractors can do to enable the BIM process.

The Face of Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg opens up.

by Jose Antonio Vargas

The C.E.O. of Facebook wants to create, and dominate, 

a new kind of Internet.

Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in his college dorm room six years ago. Five hundred million people have joined since, and eight hundred and seventy-nine of them are his friends. The site is a directory of the world’s people, and a place for private citizens to create public identities. You sign up and start posting information about yourself: photographs, employment history, why you are peeved right now with the gummy-bear selection at Rite Aid or bullish about prospects for peace in the Middle East. Some of the information can be seen only by your friends; some is available to friends of friends; some is available to anyone. Facebook’s privacy policies are confusing to many people, and the company has changed them frequently, almost always allowing more information to be exposed in more ways.

According to his Facebook profile, Zuckerberg has three sisters (Randi, Donna, and Arielle), all of whom he’s friends with. He’s friends with his parents, Karen and Edward Zuckerberg. He graduated from Phillips Exeter Academy and attended Harvard University. He’s a fan of the comedian Andy Samberg and counts among his favorite musicians Green Day, Jay-Z, Taylor Swift, and Shakira. He is twenty-six years old.

Zuckerberg cites “Minimalism,” “Revolutions,” and “Eliminating Desire” as interests. He likes “Ender’s Game,” a coming-of-age science-fiction saga by Orson Scott Card, which tells the story of Andrew (Ender) Wiggin, a gifted child who masters computer war games and later realizes that he’s involved in a real war. He lists no other books on his profile.

Zuckerberg’s Facebook friends have access to his e-mail address and his cell-phone number. They can browse his photograph albums, like one titled “The Great Goat Roast of 2009,” a record of an event held in his back yard. They know that, in early July, upon returning from the annual Allen & Company retreat for Hollywood moguls, Wall Street tycoons, and tech titans, he became Facebook friends with Barry Diller. Soon afterward, Zuckerberg wrote on his Facebook page, “Is there a site that streams the World Cup final online? (I don’t own a TV.)”

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/09/20/100920fa_fact_vargas?currentPage=all#ixzz13HNda6h4

Secrets of the Great Titanic Disaster Revealed

Louise Patten revealed in her new book, Good As Gold, that human error was the main cause of the great Titanic disaster in 1912.

 

The granddaughter of Second Officer Charles Lightoller who served in the liner and knew what happened on April 14 1912, revealed that the ship had plenty of time to avoid crashing into the iceberg and not because it failed to see it earlier as widely believed.

According to the book, the disaster was caused by a steering error where the helmsman panicked, took a wrong turn, and caused the famous voyeur to struck the iceberg, the Telegraph reported.

"They could have easily avoided the iceberg if it wasn't for the blunder," she was quoted as saying in the daily.

Patten's book also claimed that the First Officer William Murdoch saw the iceberg two miles away but his command "hard a starboard" was misinterpreted.

She blamed the Tiller and Rudder steering systems in operation for the disaster as the command "hard a starboard" meant turn the wheel right under the Tiller system, but turn left under the Rudder system.  

The family secret was kept for nearly 100 years because Lightoller decided to cover up the error worrying that it might cause White Star Line, Titanic's owner, to go bankrupt while his colleagues lose their jobs.

Titanic hit the iceberg on April 14 1912 and sank in between 11.40pm until 2.20am on April 15, causing some 1,500 casualties.

A SIMPLE COMPUTER PROBLEM?

My grateful thanks to a friend for sending me the following post. When making your way to Open Houses or for holidays, please drive safely. Have a nice day everyone. Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri!

_______________________________________

"Technical Support, how can I help you?"

FEMALE CALLER: "Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noises at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and a bad smell, then nothing."

TECH SUPPORT: "I will have a technician come over first thing this morning. Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as he can."

When the technician got there, the lady showed him where the computer was, said what happened to it, and this is what the technician found wrong ....

Take a look at the pictures... YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES....

And you thought YOU had computer problems!!!

The technician told her,... "it must have been after the mouse!"

The woman didn't think that was funny at all!


Computer Repair

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service: What is wrong with it?

Caller: Mouse is jammed.

Customer Service: Mouse? ... Printers don't have mouse!!!

Caller: Mmmmmm?? ... Oh really? ... I'll send you a picture ...

Eid Mubarak!

 

PRAYER FOR PEACE

Oh Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful, grant us peace and Iman, safety and Islam, and guidance to perform all that you please.

Oh Allah, the Generous, the Gracious, grant all goodness to Muslims, and all blessings to the faithful, and all mercies to mankind.

Oh Allah, guide this Ummah to do the best, bless this Ummah to be loving and compassionate, help this Ummah to spread good and peace to all mankind.

Oh Allah, remove all conflicts and hatred that is happening. Grant peace and restore human dignity in this world. Safe this earth from destruction due to human ignorance, grant our country and the entire world with safety, peace, calmness, tranquillity, progress and development.

Oh Allah, may this day of ours be better than yesterday. May our tomorrow be better than today. Please grant us positive outcomes in all our endeavours. Save us from disappointment both in this world and in the hereafter.

Oh Allah, the Gentle, the Sustainer, may peace and calmness prevail in this world. Guide mankind to uphold justice and equality. Protect our young from misguidance. Give us the strength to spread your true message. Strengthen us to be a blessing to all mankind - Ameen.

I would like to wish Muslims all over the world happiness, prosperity and all things good; now and forever

Eid Mubarak everyone!

Coult It Be Due To Perception?

Some of you might be wondering why I am posting so many jokes all of a sudden. Well, I don't know about you but I feel deeply saddened by the many issues which have surfaced of late and efforts by some to sow seeds of divisiveness and discord. It makes me wonder how we regard one another in this nation we call our own.

 

This is a very important season to Muslims all over the world and I am trying to do my part to keep a lively and happy atmosphere in this space. It is not that I am trying to run away from the situation or problems at hand.

Rather, there are already so many sites which have posted articles lamenting or lambasting events, characters or issues. Having another one does not alleviate the frustration or negativism that surrounds us.

It is most disconcerting to see how perception and motivation can affect the way we regard others.

Perception is the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding. This reaction can be an immediate or intuitive one based on moral, psychological or aesthetic qualities. Some could rely on their insight, intuition or discernment.

It is very easy to find fault with others. However, tact and sensitivity to other people's feelings are needed when we formulate our messages.

Believe me - it is easier to scold and to attack others than to craft a message that drives home the point without hurting the feeling of others.

Perhaps it is a question of objectives in communication. I guess we all have to examine our motives in communicating, including myself. The meaning of the message is not just in the words but is is dependent on the receiver who assigns   meanings to the words of that messages.

I truly appeal to all to think of this nation. We are living in the most challenging and disappointing times but we cannot be swept away by the currents of strife raging at the moment.

We have to keep a level head, exercise restraint, wisdom and take calculated moves to ensure that we can look forward to a bright future.

Thanks! Take care and have a pleasant day!

Hilarious Letter to CEO

The following letter is fictitious. I am posting if for anyone suffering from Monday blues and also for the sake of humor. No offense to anyone! Take care and have a nice day! Cheers!

Microsoft's Bill Gates decided not to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta Singh.

To: Bill Gates, Microsoft
From: Banta Singh of Punjab, India
Date: 1 April 2009
Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice..

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find button', but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learn 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft Sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'My Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'Microsoft Office' what about ' Microsoft Home' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.


Regards,
Banta

Last one Mr. Bill Gates

P.S. "Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?"

You HAVE to Listen!

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.'

 

 

'But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!'

 

 

 'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'

 

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, ,meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him Spike!'

See - Men just don't listen!

Just kidding - I put this up for the sake of humor. Have a pleasant day, everyone!

A Man, A Woman and the ATM

No offense to anyone. :-) Am posting this for the sake of humor and also Saturday madness. Take care and have a great day!

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-Through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

************************************

 

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What really funny is that most of this part is the Truth!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back-up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up....
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.....
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check make-up.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone...
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH,
AND TO THE LADIES who can handle it .... they need a laugh, too!

PUPPIES FOR SALE

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. 

As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy. 

Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." 

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." 

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer. 

And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....

"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. 

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. 

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands." 

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

THE MOUSE - FOR WOMEN ONLY :-)

After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse supplied with PCs. Scientists found that there is no physical reason for their aversion it is more of a psychological problem.

Some women reported that their mouse "just didn't feel right" in their hands.

Based on the research, a new mouse has been designed especially for women.

Various field tests have been carried out on the new design.

Julie from Hounslow said, "It feels so much better. More comfortable, more like how it's supposed to be.'

Susan from Chelmsford added, 'I think mice were originally designed just for men, but this new type is definitely made for women. It fits right with my lifestyle.'

Hillary from Kent said, 'I took it like a duck to water, every women should have one!'

Sally from London said, "It feels so natural."

Have a nice day everyone! Cheers!

NEW RULES FOR THE WORK PLACE

I hope this will jump start your morning! Shhh! Don't laugh too loudly later ok? Have a great week! Do swing by later for the next post. Thanks!

__________________________________________

To all Employees

Effective 1st September 2010

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If wee see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage you money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay rise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for the dead friends, relatives and co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employee attend to the arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use *Smiles*

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

Simple Pleasures for Better Living

It has been a very stressful day as today is the 18th day of this year fasting month (Ramadhan) for a Muslim like me. Therefore, I would like to share with all my friends the following post to highlight some points for everyone of us to ponder ...

A ctive ageing - Keep your body fit and mind active and you'll age gracefully. No one is too old to exercise and no task is too difficult.

B eatitude - Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourns, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed  are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

C ash - It is not the basis for happiness but it is necessity. Make sure you save regularly and ensure you have at least 6 months' income for any emergencies.

D reams - All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

E xplore - Pick up a new activity and you will be pleasantly surprised at the new experience. Go into the jungle to enjoy the serenity of nature or just relax at the seaside to enjoy the roar of the ocean.

F amily - Nothing is more important than kinship. Stay connected with your loved ones. Tell those around you how much they meant to you. Give them a hug and tell them you love them now not when they are no longer around.
FAMILY (Father And Mother I Love You)

G oals - Set new resolutions for yourself every year and achieve them! Having goals keeps you motivated and on the path to self improvement. When you decide upon a goal, you override your failure mechanism and change the direction of your life.

H ome sweet home - Home is where the heart is. Do ensure that you have mortgage protection to safeguard your loved ones because life's unexpected events can throw you off the track if you're unprepared.

I nvest - One way to supplement your savings is to grow your investment portfolio. Know the risk appetite and invest in the right tools. Property and land can never be a wrong choice but ensure that it is right at the place!

J og - Jogging is not just an effective way to fight the flab and stay active, it is also a great way to have some "me-time".

K iss - A kiss can burn calories! Plus it is a great way to foster bonding and intimacy with those you love.

L aughter - Laughter is one of the best medicines! A good laugh is beneficial for the soul and brings merry cheer to those around you. Learn to laugh at yourself and don't take things too seriously.

M usic - Listening to music is a simple form of enjoyment that can be extremely therapeutic. Dance along to the latest hip hop, chill out with lounge tunes or sing along to popular hits. Music is to the soul what food is to the body.

N ational Day - Happy 53rd Birthday Malaysia! Be proud of our independent day despite the fact that we may not be proud of the ruling regime to date. May God blesses all those that seek for peace.

O ptimism - Take life with a light-hearted and positive approach. A lot depends on your perspective so if you are optimistic, that's half the battle won. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

P rotection - Make sure you are well-protected. Adequate life insurance is important as we need to ensure that those living is not burdened by debts. Insurance is not for the dying but for those living.

Q uality not Quantity - Strive for quality in whatever you do, It is not how much that matters, it is how good it is. You never achieve real success unless you like what you are doing.

R est and Relax - Take time off to smell the roses or indulge in something you enjoy doing together as a family. Give your mind and body that well-deserved break,

S eize the Day - Basically live each day to the fullest by doing what matters most to you. For we come this way but once. Success without purpose is life without meaning. Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all he can do.

T ravel - Make the world your playground! Go diving in the Sipadan, go on a safari adventure in South Africa or explore the mysterious Antarctica. Nothing can be more exciting than exploring the unknown with you loved ones.

U undertand - See to understand the different views and mindsets of the people around you. This will create greater harmony between ourselves and the world.

V olunteer work - Take time off from your busy schedule to help the less fortunate. Helping others can warm your heart and make life even more meaningful. Touching and changing lives is far better than leaving a legacy engraved in stone.

W ealth - Accumulate your wealth, not just in monetary sense but expand your wealth of knowledge and experiences.

X traordinary - Do something very special today for loved one. Cook a special meal, write a poem or serenade with a sweet song. The purpose of our lives is to give birth to the best which is within us.

Y earn - To learn a new skill in order to touch and to teach those under privileged and marginalized. You don't have to be great to start but you have to start to be great.

Z est for Life - You never know what will happen tomorrow and we only live once. So, be happy and live life to its fullest! Life offers no guarantees, just choices; no certainty but consequences; no predictable outcomes, just the privilege of pursuit.

No matter what, you must NOT ...

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!

This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.

She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said.

"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.

He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.

He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!!:-)


Posted for humor and not to insult anyone. My apologies if anyone finds this offensive.

What Job Adverts Really Mean :-)

Advertisements tend to make jobs appear more attractive that what they are in reality. Here is a list of what could be the hidden messages posted just for laughs so please do not take this seriously. Take care, smile a lot and have a nice day!

"Competitive Salary" means we remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

"Join our fast-paced company" i.e. We have no time to train you.

"Casual work atmosphere" also means we don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"Some overtime required" means some every night and some every weekend.

"Duties will vary" i.e. to say anyone in the office can boss you around.

"Must have an eye for detail" could be saying we have no quality assurance.

"Career-minded" could be a sexiest slant meaning female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"Apply in person" could mean that if you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.

"Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience" means you'll need in to replace the three people who just quit.

"Problem-solving skills a must" could hint that you're walking into perpetual chaos.

"Requires team leadership skills" that is to say you'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"Good communication skills" could means that when the management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Cheers everyone!

The A to Z of Marital Humor

Try this one ... the A - Z to arouse your wife's attention  ... or suspicion....

A Act stupid in front of her while she's watching her favorite TV program
B Behave like you're the housemaid
C Call her sweetheart every 5 minutes for no reason
D Dress like Valentino when you said you're going to the doctor's
E Eat food that you've always hated or had never eaten before
F Forget her birthday (and you die ....)
G Give free evening math tuition to the foxy neighbor
H Hand her $10,000 and whisper, "Happy Birthday" when it is not
I I'm tired ... some other night, sweetheart?
J Just stare at her when she's doing her make-up
K Kiss her toes when she's polishing her finger nails
L Last minute company meeting .... "I won't be home till 4 a.m."
M Make her feel like she's Miss Universe
N Nibble at her ear while she's washing clothes
O Offer to help the foxy neighbor fix her "plumbing problem".
P Pass the wrong remarks about the mother-in-law's table manners
Q Question her "extravagant" shopping when she just got home with 5 giant shopping bags
R Request for Chubb Safe key
S Sneak out when you thought she's asleep
T Tell her she's fat when she's talking to foxy neighbor at the lift
U Use her toiletries without her permission
V Voice your true opinion about her hair style/color
W Walk the dog at 3 a.m. every night
X Xtra-ordinary expenses on credit card statement
Y Young and sexy voice on the phone saying, "Wrong Number" always

And finally ....

Z Zip your mouth when she asks you "When is our wedding anniversary?"

Have a nice day everyone!

UNDERSTANDING MEN AND WOMEN:-)

To all women: On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

*The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

*Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

*When watching TV, hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

*When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

*If you need me with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

*If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

*If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

*I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

*Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

*Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

*If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

*I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

*Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.

__________________________________________

The Female Stages of Life

Favorite drink:
Age 17: Wine Coolers
Age 25: White wine
Age 35: Red wine
Age 48: Dom Perignon
Age 66: Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Excuses for refusing dates:
Age 17: Need to wash my hair
Age 25: Need to wash and condition my hair
Age 35: Need to color my hair
Age 48: Need to have Francois color my hair
Age 66: Need to have Francois color my wig

Favorite sport:
Age 17: Shopping
Age 25: Shopping
Age 35: Shopping
Age 48: Shopping
Age 66: Shopping

Definition of successful date:
Age 17: "Burger King"
Age 25: "Free meal"
Age 35: "A diamond"
Age 48: "A bigger diamond"
Age 66: "Home Alone"

Favorite fantasy:
Age 17: tall, dark and handsome
Age 25: tall, dark and handsome with money
Age 35: tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
Age 48: a man with hair (preferably not on back)
Age 66: a man

Pet:
Age 17: Muffy the cat
Age 25: Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
Age 35: Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
Age 48: Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
Age 66: Retired husband dabbles is taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

Ideal age for marriage:
Age 17: 17
Age 25: 25
Age 35: 35
Age 48: 48
Age 66: 66

Ideal date:
Age 17: He offers to pay
Age 25: He pays
Age 35: He cooks breakfast the next morning
Age 48: He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
Age 66: He can chew breakfast

Keep smiling and have a lovely evening!

Sunday's Music Videos - A Collection Of Thai Song

I hope most of you enjoyed my Saturday's music. However, I feel badly for My Angel that had a misfortune this evening. Therefore, to cheer her and all my friends, I decided to post a collection of Thai songs that can cheer up My Angel and  all my other friends.

Here are the videos for Sunday. All videos are with English subtitles, so enjoy everybody and cheers!

Boy Peacemaker - Garn Plien Plang

Potato - Kon Soot Tai

Bowling - Tee Kid Teung...Praw Ruk Tur Chai Mai

Da Endorphine - Yah Bauk Wah Mai Mee Krai

Ice Saranyu & Rose Sirintip - Perhaps love

Bird Thongchai - Tur Kon Diow

Buachompoo Ford - Love Message

Marsha - In Love

Panadda Ruangwut - Lom Now Lae Dow Deuan

Sirasak - Sut Tah Nai Ruk

Yarinda - Kae Dai Kid Teung